I feel extremely useless

I feel like my entire thinking and knowledge was neglected by my surrounding and I don’t know how I could change this.

How can I show my talent? I fail in tests for multiple reasons.

One being that I cannot properly prepare. As a visual thinker, I cannot learn in sequences, which is how the material is taught and how questions are asked. I learn best if  I can start with the whole subject at once. Now even if I have the idea for the answer, I cannot answer it verbally.

Another reason being that I cannot vomit knowledge back. I am forcefully creative and unstructured in my thinking.

How can I prove my knowledge?

One suggestion: How to prove your usefulness

• Show Flexibility
• Acquire Marketable Skills
• Be a Problem Solver
• Have a Positive Attitude
• Don’t Become the Only Expert on One Topic

See also: How to prove your work makes a difference

• Are your skills state of the art?
• Is your educational background different from peers?
• Can you be replaced?

The article “Do you need to prove yourself?” takes the opposite approach, which is a very interesting one, claiming that you don’t require external validation and should only seek it within yourself.

Quote:

• Spend some time looking for ways in which you seek approval from others. Journal about it.
• Imagine how life would be different if you didn’t spend so much time and effort doing things in order to gain approval from elsewhere. You’d have more time and energy to put into doing other things, for instance. You’d also feel more confident.
• When you recognize that you are seeking approval from someone else, instead, ask yourself how YOU might approve of yourself.
• You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You are whole and complete and wonderful.

The “thin line” identity is an illusion

Watercolor illusion, with brighter line on the outside. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know many people who reject any self-development claiming they “do not want to lose their identity!”.

They say: “I want to be myself!”

Then I ask: “Have you never changed at all?”

They say: “Sure I did! But that was a natural change! I may not provoke it by myself.”

Now, I am confident that this is an illusion. We might imagine our identity to be a “thin line” which we may not leave. And we might imagine changes to this line to be “natural” and controlled by “destiny” or what-ever outside process.

That’s an illusion! Our identity is a boat on a wild ocean in constant movement. We can never predict where we are taken to, there’s no point taking strong control over the changes. The sailor does not control the sea anyway. Just be happy with where you get to.

Many people confuse ‘taking inspiration’ with ‘becoming an imitation’. The first is my way of gathering ideas, the second one is losing your identity and becoming somebody else.

As a musician, I am really glad to know Mozart. His musical patterns, simple yet thrilling, are the foundation of my improvisation skills. Mozart can show you brilliantly, how a simple melody can become a great theme.

 

Over time we even lose the view on ourselves if we keep to old material. One reason is because things dry out as we repeat them. While we believe that we intensify our being by restricting our area of experience, we actually lose it. Only unexpected experiences from outside bring back memories and create new views and feelings. This mental or spiritual refreshing awakens our spirit and brings us back to life. When old memories get revealed, we can once more become passionate about them. When we get a new view on the world, we feel the urge to create, which empowers us.

So, keeping to restricted experiences actually kills your well-being. Open the gate!

 

Remember:

We are allowed to change our habits and likes as much as we want. The only condition is that the change makes us happy. You have an infinitely deep identity, ready to take over ANY role when you want or have to. There’s no reason to fear change. You are simply going to discover a new side of yourself.

It is impossible to ‘randomly’ become somebody else for your entire life. If you want to copy somebody, you really have to give it infinite attention and work. You have to analyse all their behaviour and replace your own natural behaviour with it. An endless task.

So, fear not, you never lose yourself by accident.

Therefore, jump into your self-exploration and have no fear.

See:

If you do not spend your life being yourself, who are you then?