Why Aspergers refuse communication

Telephone (Photo credit: plenty.r.)

We are introverted head people. We have a copy of our outer world (where you strangers are) in our mind. On this level, we communicate in thoughts. We have thus imaginary friendships with people with whom we actually seldom talk. We hardly notice our own silence and forget to balance it. We can in fact become frustrated because the other person does not react to our imaginary relationship, and then we cancel it.

Now if we get asked a question, the transfer between the outworld (question) and the inner world (answer) does not work. Our knowledge gets either faded out like a shadow which gets struck by a light beam or communication does not feel adequate because the person outside does not correspond enough to our copy on the inside, making trust insufficient.

The essential point is the difference between our inner world and the outer world. We cannot hardly hold them up together. Have you seen the movie RainMan? Everytime the autistic Raymond gets asked an “ordinary” question, he replies : “I don’t know.” I recognize that from myself. I don’t know the answer because the transfer does not work.

How can I communicate with an Asperger then?

I don’t have a patent recipe, yet you could invite this person to have a (private) blog to write things down, like this blog here, and then ask for permission to read the blog.

Golden Rule: Don’t ever criticize the writing! Be thankful for the trust and opportunity to learn.

As we look for reasons for the problem, let’s take this article from http://www.autism-help.org/:

In short, this article discusses communication and education issues.

In low-functioning autism, we have the case of people of remain silent during their entire life. Others learn to communicate with cards and similar support. Still, they don’t learn how to talk or type.

In high-functioning autism, that is Asperger, we have no problems with speaking. Rather, it’s the other way round, we are often academic-like talkers, very abstract, very cold way of talking. No chit-chat possible.

I was totally in this case. I only recently learning how to write the way I’m writing right now. And it’s still academic. I expressed myself in an enormously complex way during my teen years, and found it natural. I actually doubted on my intelligence and believed I still had to be more abstract.

Now what causes language problems in autists?

The causes of speech and language problems in Autism Spectrum Disorders are still unknown, though experts believe that the difficulties are caused by a variety of conditions that occur either before, during, or after birth affecting brain development. The individual’s ability to interpret and interact with the world is affected, and some scientists tie the communication problems to a theory of mind or impaired ability to think about thoughts or imagine another individual’s state of mind. Associated with this inability to see another’s point of view is an impaired ability to symbolize, both when trying to communicate and in play.

So our communication problem is said to be linked to our overall problem to interpret and interact with the world. We cannot understand other people’s positions and thus fail to interact.

Don’t you expect the cashier to ask you for money in the shop? Of course you do. Well, autist may not, which can lead them to refuse paying. Maybe they just want to make sure their money goes to the correct person and they don’t trust the cashier to be that person.

A really interesting idea is this one:

In some cases, sensory problems can mean children are so sensitive to touch that they may find the feeling of their own tongue, teeth, lips touching each other to be unpleasant so they may not move their mouths much, or avoid talking completely.

Wow, I hadn’t thought of that possibility! It’s a great one.

Next comes our problem with body-language:

Sometimes, the body language of people with autism can be difficult for other people to understand. Facial expressions, movements, and gestures may be easily understood by some other people with autism, but do not match those used by other people. Also, their tone of voice has a much more subtle inflection in reflecting their feelings, and the auditory system of a person without autism often cannot sense the fluctuations. What seems to non-autistic people like odd prosody; things like a high-pitched, sing-song, or flat, robot-like voice may be common in autistic children and some will have combinations of these prosody issues. Some autistic children with relatively good language skills speak like little adults, rather than communicating at their current age level, which is one of the things that can lead to problems.

I know the robot voice from myself. I hate my voice, therefore I’m now doing voice training against it. I actually started singing to get rid of my voice.

You will find plenty of information in this article. I will stop here.

Be proud if you have Asperger!

I firmly believe that Asperger is a gift.We are creative, tolerant, naive, easily motivated, we can easily focus on a topic for month or years, very loyal to friends, are focussed on important topics like science instead of shopping mindlessly or mobbing people.

Official Asperger Pride Website

I believe if we were ruled by Aspergers, there would be no wars, instead education would be nurtured.

I don’t mind Not-Autists, I only see myself being occupied with topics of longer lasting value. I am actually frustrated how primitive most NAs are.

If you are a Non-Autist, I want you to know that you may very well comment my posts and criticize me. It’s the depth of your writing that counts for me, not whether you have a Syndrome or not.

 

Top ten advantages and diadvantages of being Asperger:

Some material:

Disadvantage #10 Little Dude eats the same thing, every day.

Advantage #10 Meal-planning is a snap.

signed as true. My variety of meals really sucks.

 

Disadvantage #2 Sometimes says insensitive or inappropriate things.

Advantage #2 These things are hilarious.

I would just say that my peers are rather limited in their ideas. I am open-minded.

I am the “passionate assistant” type of Autist

Passion (novel) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are two types of Aspergers: The “controller” and the “passionate assistant”, commonly called “baby” Asperger.

I am the Assistant type.

Controllers have a purely rational way of thinking about people:

1. they think solely in roles: the student, the professor, the policeman
2. they like to get others work for them

Assistants are the opposite:

1. We want to support friends where ever we can, are easily motivated and absolutely loyal.
2. We love to work for others as long as we do not hate the work.

How to detect manipulators

Hannibal Lecter (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am totally naive and therefore a very easy victim to manipulators, which is partly due to my Asperger.

Over the last years though, my autism has changed, allowing me to identify my problem and gathering information about how to detect manipulators.

This list is no way finished, so please add your own ideas! I will add them to this list.

1. The Good-girl-manipulator: my most experienced one. Usually male, mid-age, deep voice, relaxed/serious style. He is a complete stranger. He identifies or assumes me as inexperienced and parent-dependent. He always talks to me as “good girl” and shifts himself into a dominant position, from where he now plays the moral reverend. He pushes me into questions which hide amoral answers: “Do you like black people?”. In case I say no, he claims that all the people around ( even if we are alone ) feel insulted. If I say yes, he praises me, tries to clap on my shoulder, which makes me smile, and then pushes me into the next dilemma. His goal: use me as a toy for his short-term pleasure.

How does it feel to be an Autist?

I have come to this question some weeks ago when considering explaining my relatives how it feels to be an Autist.

Now I am starting to write it down. Hence this is a work-in-progress.

1. I experience myself and my entire surrounding as a dream: everything is “out of touch”. I feel like I cannot really touch anything. When people are around me, I feel like they are beyond my physical reach. Even if I grasped them firmly with my hands, they would feel distant. Thus, everything seems surreal, glimmering, like a dream.
2. I am incredibly naive, especially about what is possible and what is not. I ignore common peoples fixed mind-sets. If I want to achieve something, then I simply believe that it is possible and start trying.
3. All my interests and knowledge are limited to my mind. If I knew all about a certain place and then gave it a visit, I wouldn’t feel “there”. I cannot relate real things to things in my mind.
4. I find ridiculously simple actions totally fascinating: At the barbecue, somebody takes a steak out of the tin foil and puts it on the grill. FASCINATING. Really.
5. I strongly categorize people according to assumed social roles. The look of a person leads my judgement about her social job, i.e. the role they would have if the experienced scene was a play. The care-taker, the macho, the girlfriend, the kind child, the friendly secretary, the open-minded person, etc.  These roles are not based on the peoples jobs.
6. I have a huge fascination for the look of other people. Not whether they are beautiful or not. Just their look. Contrary to some autists, I am not face-blind. I recognize people.
7. Sometimes I cannot understand the logic behind their look. I see the elements, like ears, mounth, nose, skin, yet I am puzzled about a “back-ground logic”. Consider looking at a complicated math equation. You understand the single signs and numbers, yet you cannot grasp what the equation says.
8. I have a hard time hating anybody. As a child, I would love and forgive everybody, also those who mobbed me. I was a totally peaceful person. This has improved though during the last 4 years. I can now stay angry at somebody if I wish to.
9. I am also very spiritual, and totally atheistic.
10. I feel like I had existed forever. I do not grow older. I feel like pure energy. I experience my being as a momentary snapshot. While I register a lot of changes in myself, I still feel like nothing changes. The past is blocked in my mind. Remembering life events feels like squeezing myself through a narrow tube. I perfectly remember facts though.
11. Despite my self-confidence, I have the impression that people are constantly laughing at me.
12. I cannot show my self-confidence and always appear shy and submissive. Thus I always get treated as the “sweet little Nomi” that people find cute, sweet, and mother-dependent.