My list of Asperger symptoms

I have taken this list and filtered my own symptoms out:

poor communication:

• overformal speech: academic, strictly structured speech. The structure is always the same. As if we were using a given pattern.
• speaking without any pitch or tone: monotonous and hard to listen to across a long period of time. Plus, Aspergers tend to explain everything in detail, giving very long speeches.
• inappropriate remarks: The uttering of inappropriate comments or questions can be a serious problem. Sometimes the remarks are inappropriate to the setting. Sometimes the comments are sexually inappropriate. In any case, the remarks or questions do not take into account the impact on the other individual involved. For example, Conner was attending a funeral. Oblivious to the impact his question would have on the grieving friends and relatives, he wondered out loud about the process of bodies decomposing. In another example, Mike found himself attracted to a young woman and proceeded to stare at her. When she asked him what he wanted, he told her in sexually explicit details what he was staring at and the specific nature of his interest. source

non-verbal communication problems:

• few facial expression: inability to express one’s feelings and to adapt it to the expectations of other people. e.g. smiling at funeral. It also gives a boring look and makes us appear dumb.
• unaware of unwritten social rules: contradicting the boss, flirting at funerals, involuntary provocation.

impaired social interaction:

• Social withdrawal : Unlike the severe withdrawal from the rest of the world that is characteristic of autism, children with Asperger syndrome are isolated because of their poor social skills and narrow interests. Children with the disorder will gather enormous amounts of factual information about their favorite subject and will talk incessantly about it, but the conversation may seem like a random collection of facts or statistics, with no point or conclusion. They may approach other people, but make normal conversation difficult by eccentric behaviors or by wanting only to talk about their singular interest. source
• In my case, I feel squeezed when others are around.
• Eccentric personality: Many people with Asperger’s appear to be “nerds” or “geeks.” Kind people might call us “eccentric.” Socially, we must learn by rote what your average person picks up by instinct, such as the interpretation of facial expressions, other’s emotions, or social overtures. source
• Preoccupied with their own agenda
• Socially non-adapted personality
• limited interests: one or two
• repetitive routines and rituals: i am constantly drinking water at work.
• lack of empathy at short distance. Much empathy for fictional characters.
• for an interesting view on the real empathy in Aspies, read this article.

• extract: “When an aspie is listening/concentrating or deliberately trying to be emphatic, they achieve a level of empathy well beyond what neurotypical people experience.For example, when watching a movie, I find myself emoting with the characters to a huge degree, even when they’re CGI, Cartoons or fluffy muppets. I can’t help it. Often when I’m explaining things[…], I’ll get a lump in my throat[…].” signed

• “Aspies don’t lack empathy, we have oodles of it and not just the human kind either. If an aspie has trouble understanding your emotional state it’s probably because it’s not visible enough for them to start looking deeper.”

Not to be found on the link:

poor organization skills:

• no multi-tasking skill
• disastrous short-term memory
• fails to realize the real impact of future changes

The most terrible experience I ever had as an Asperger

It happened about two years ago, when I still had no clue that I had Asperger. It was in the evening, just before going to bed. I was perfectly sober. I was brushing my teeth when something happening that can hardly be put into words.

I believe my identity, my I or me crashed. Shut down. Ceased existing. The phenomenon lasted only for a second, yet it was terrible beyond description.

During this 1 second, I felt void. Deprived of a mind. There was a squeezing feeling in my mind. Not physical. Mental. A brown squeezing feeling.

I was horrified and stumbled into bed. I grabbed my plush pets and forced myself to sleep. I stopped all thoughts, fearing the horror would return.

The feeling still comes back now and then, although less terrible. When it arises, I escape into scientific thinking.

If I didn’t know I was Asperger, I would be convinced that I was turning mad. Now I can blame it on Autism. I am still going to talk about it with my Psychiatrist. This is no fun. This is an extremely serious problem.

I hope this story can help somebody who goes through the same horrible mess. Get yourself help. And ignore the feeling the best you can.

I firmly recommend meditation as a short-term help. Just lay down, grab a plush pet and let your thoughts flow. Interestingly, that’s when I feel the safest. In that situation, the dark ideas stay at bay.

“Autists live in their own world”

August Autist (Photo credit: Deede Kharisma)

Well maybe we do, yet at least we live in our world, instead of merely existing.

Now, I’m not saying that Autists are extroverts who jump around in the world. We’re not. We may be introverts. Yet our passions make us more alive than most NTs. The ratio of passionate autists is certainly way larger than the ratio of deeply passionate NTs.

 

Read:

Autism and Happiness

5 tips for a happy future

Children in their own world, parents in the dark

Why I have problems with sex

Sex (Photo credit: danielito311)

I have never had sex and I never tried to. I am neither conservative nor locked-in. I actually like the idea of sleeping with a woman and I enjoy erotic pictures. Yet it’s only in my head.

Problems arise as soon as erotic becomes real. Even seeing a simple belly-dance makes my mind collapse. A real mental earthquake shakes my mind, making me feel extremely nervous and uncomfortable. I do not object people having sex, it’s only when I have to experience it in any way that my mind and body totally block.

I am really frustrated by this phenomenon. If at least I could endure other people having sex, then my life would be easier and I wouldn’t destroy social situations that much. People in my age love sex, so my serious objection makes me stand out and others hate me for my “shyness”. If you stand in the way of your surrounding, you only get trouble. I am the one complaining about sex while the others seek it.

I wonder what the deepest cause for this mindquake is.

Now, let’s take this article.

It has a list of 5 “things you should know about sexual behaviour and aspergers syndrome”.

1. sexual relationships challenge people with asperger

“The subtle cues of dating and sexual relationships may be difficult for people with Asperger’s to navigate.”

So, if you date an Asperger, be clear about your exact intentions. Do you intend an intimate relationship? Whether yes or no, say so clearly! We Aspies are very quickly very involved and romantic about people. Therefore make it very clear if you have no further interest. The best thing you can do if you have no interest in us: don’t contact us anyway. Leave us alone. You wanted to do that anyway after the collaboration, right?

2.teens with asperger need sexual education

I would have hated this, unless it had started already in my childhood. Sex makes me enormously nervous and the hetero interaction feels ugly and wrong. I hate reading common slang describing the body.

3.adults with asperger may present the sexual behaviour of teens

“Since Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental delay, adults may experience sexual behavior similar to teens. They may be delayed in their social skills, which would manifest in their sexual relationships. These adults need to be made aware through observation or research which sexual behavior is age appropriate. Obsessive behavior is a symptom of Asperger’s and may carry over to sexual relations. Also, some medications used to treat symptoms of the syndrome may also impact sexual desire.”

4.sensory issued may impact sexuality.

“Hypersensitivity or under responsiveness are common in people with Asperger’s. This can impact their sexual behavior, either reducing the desire to be close or causing them to be overly needy of sex. When it comes to sexual behavior, they may not understand boundaries or limits.”

Some Aspies have to wear gloves or other protective clothes to reduce the sensory sensation.

Personally, I cannot say what I prefer as I have no experience.

Now comes a big point:

5.intimacy can be a struggle

“Individuals with this syndrome struggle with the back-and-forth nature of intimate relationships. Dating and courtship can be confusing, as they rely on so many subtle or hidden rules and meanings. A person with Asperger’s may find empathy a foreign emotion, causing the other partner to feel isolated and alone. With social skills training and behavior therapy, the skills necessary to achieve an intimate relationship are within reach.”

I have no clue how to find out how serious somebody is about a relationship or at what stage we are. I’d jump right into a relationship and assume my partner was seriously interested.

I wonder how I would react to being naked with somebody. I like the idea of being naked, yet me fantasies are highly idealized, with a high degree of romance and a slow tempo. With idealized I mean no wrinkles.

I prefer small breasts and I also prefer being dressed, such that the overall body form is visible through the curves of the clothes. People are more attractive when dressed as when they are naked.

Why many Aspergers love videogames

Friends (Photo credit: L Lemos)

We need distance to feel proximity. Thus, we can feel better for people who are distant from us, and characters in videogames are distant. I have also noticed that I have better empathy for people displayed by drawings and pictures than for people in videos or close-by.

Distance and abstraction allow us to be close.

You may actually try to use instant messengers or email to communicate with Aspergers.

This article discusses how video games can help autists improve their social skills while they stay within their comfort zone.

This includes games written directly for autists:

one interactive computer program called FaceSay has been shown to improve the ability of kids with autism spectrum disorders to recognize faces, facial expressions, and emotions. Created by Symbionica LLC, the game teaches kids where to look for facial cues and helps them practice recognizing the expressions of an avatar, or virtual representation of a person.

Some experts deny the efficiency:

 experts question the effectiveness of these games and express concern that young Aspergers kids who are already socially awkward may become dependent on Internet social networking and virtual interaction and never apply the skills in real life.

Wendy Stone, a pediatrics professor at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital says:

What we would hope to see is that what these individuals are learning will help them understand social situations, feelings of others, their own motivation and will help them negotiate real life social situations. You don’t want them to just be able to interact via a computer.

The problem of distorted social interaction:

Aaron McGinley, summer camp program manager at Talisman, a North Carolina program offering summer camps and semester-length programs for kids ages 8 to 21 with learning disabilities, ADD and ADHD, Aspergers, and high-functioning autism says:

When you have anonymity, people act in a different way than when they must take personal and immediate accountability for their words and actions

I know this from myself when I’m chatting and writing in online forums. This also applies to NTs though.

Another perk of gaming is the highly-important predictability, a crucial condition for many autists.

Aaron McGinley says further:

While social conversations in real life are highly complex and unpredictable, online gamers share a common and simple language for communicating.

For example, since most online interaction occurs through typing, there is time to think about a response, and the response can be given in symbols and phrases without regard for facial expressions or nonverbal cue

The problem: inappropriate language for real life situations, still McGinley:

Online, it may be considered acceptable or even funny to make cross remarks, curse at people, or ignore someone’s effort to make contact. But if you go to basketball practice and make fun of someone’s mom, there’s no doubt you’ll get a different response.

 

Now we come to useful advice for parents:

When it comes to video games, moms & dads of a youngster with Aspergers are faced with a dilemma: Do you limit your youngster’s time spent doing the activities that interest him most and run the risk that he will withdraw even more, or do you allow your youngster unfettered access to video games despite the obvious social repercussions?

McGinley recommends:

to find the balance between accepting their youngster’s unique interests, and encouraging their youngster to develop social skills and additional interests that might take them outside of their comfort zone.

I could foresee this answer. I wished he could give more profound advice. Still, the article says further that:

He[McGinley] also advises moms & dads to offer incentives to their youngster to balance their time spent focused on gaming and time spent doing social activities.

How to find real help in form of specialized programs:

Fortunately, there are programs across the country tailored specifically to improving social and academic functioning in kids with learning disabilities, ADD and ADHD, Aspergers, and other autism spectrum disorders.

Talisman summer camps, for example, have helped countless kids ages 8 to 17 who have been diagnosed with special needs. With a highly structured daily schedule, a small staff-to-camper ratio, an emphasis on personal accountability, and plenty of fun and adventure, Talisman camps have been a first choice of families since 1980.

For families that need more long-term assistance for their special needs youngster, Talisman operates an academic semester-long program called Southeast Journeys for adolescents ages 13 to 17. Based out of Zirconia, N.C., Southeast Journeys offers students who may have struggled in more traditional environments the opportunity to excel academically and socially through hands-on experiential learning trips and a small group environment. Using insight-oriented individual and group discussions, students learn communication and problem-solving skills, budgeting, scheduling, healthy living, conflict resolution, and personal responsibility.

Finally, a  note of hope to conclude this article:

Helping your youngster with Aspergers achieve his full potential is a highly realistic and attainable goal. With the help of programs that specialize in working with kids with special needs, your youngster can grow and thrive not only in the virtual world, but also in the real world.